September 5, 2019
“She is simply stunning.”
We all turn and look at the couple on the dance floor. Todd and Meredith are sharing the first dance as man and wife, 365 days since they reconnected at the Onions’ second concert in St. Louis last year. Tonight is a different kind of Onions reunion as we are gathered together to celebrate the union of two of our favorite people.
The air is filled with joy and anticipation. Joy that these long-lost loves are now husband and wife and anticipation as to the adventure they are about to embark upon as one. There isn’t a person in the Cloud Ballroom at the Hilton Des Moines Downtown who isn’t smiling as they watch the couple glide across the dance floor. But the bride and groom have the biggest smiles of them all. I am at a loss to recall a better fairytale romance I've personally witnessed. Their first dance concludes and a thunderous round of applause erupts.
While the applause continues, Laurel, Lorelei, and I rise from our chairs at the table Todd and Meredith seated us and our families. Todd pulls one of our vacated chairs onto the dance floor and invites Meredith to sit down. She does so but, by the perplexed look on her face, wonders what this little wrinkle is that was not part of their plans. Todd joins us on the slightly raised stage for a very special performance. The four of us are poised to perform in public for the first time since ending our reunion tour in Chicago last October. Something Resembling Responsible - the band Todd and Meredith hired to play at the reception - is kind enough to let their former touring partners use their instruments for a very special song.
“Meredith, it has been one year ago tomorrow that we reconnected in St. Louis. That night we were on stage and I sang a song to you about my greatest heartbreak. Tonight I’m going to sing a song to you about my greatest love story.”
Meredith’s face goes from confused to delighted shock in less than a heartbeat. Todd had written an original song for Meredith for this moment and had contacted us about playing the song at their wedding reception. We jumped at the chance to complete the circuit on their love story. The four of us had scheduled some secret practices at Seth and Laurel’s the past few months. Todd had managed to keep our clandestine collaborating off Meredith’s radar screen.
“One, two, one, two, three, four!” I exclaim and then we’re off and rocking and rolling.
Todd is singing lead on this as the rest of us sing backup. The spotlight is on Todd and Meredith as he never takes his eyes off of his bride. Happy tears fill her eyes. Todd has never been known as a romantic but, damn, this may be the one thing people remember about this entire day. While the song is a ballad, it is a joyful expression of a transformed Todd, who is no longer afraid of taking a leap of faith when his heart is at risk. It is the best kind of love song. Faces of the guests are obscured by the darkness but if there is a dry eye among them, their hearts turned to stone long ago. Meredith is glowing as her groom croons.
The last few notes excuse themselves from the room, the room’s lights come up slightly, and the assembled guests spring to their feet showering the couple with a standing ovation. Meredith rises from her chair and walks to her groom. She puts her arms around Todd’s neck and whispers in his ear. What she says is known to only her and Todd. But whatever she says makes Todd turn a deep shade of red.
Laurel, Lorelei, and I step away from the instruments so Something Resembling Responsible can resume supplying the music for the dance. We return to our seats and rejoin our family members. I sneak past the couple to retrieve the chair and return it to our table. Something Resembling Responsible allows the couple to bask in the applause. Todd pivots, bringing Meredith and his profile parallel to the band. He nods to the lead singer who announces the parents dance. Both sets of parents stride to the dance floor and the three couples have the next dance.
“God, she is gorgeous,” Laurel admires.
“Isn’t she just, though, Laurel?” Lorelei affirms. “Meredith is totally rockin’ that wedding dress.” Lori’s eyes go wide to accentuate her point.
“I love the dress,” I offer. “Kinda makes her resemble a mermaid.” It was supposed to be a compliment but turns into more of an indictment of my lack of fashion knowledge.
“Oh, Eric,” Julie begins her explanation to me, “that is an Illusion Halter Neckline wedding dress that has a fit and flare skirt. It’s why you think Meredith resembles a mermaid.” Julie takes a sip of her Cabernet.
“Meredith has amazing taste,” Laurel admires. “The crepe gown with the deep V-neck with the embroidered tulle…gorgeous.” She pauses to get confirmation from her husband. “Right, Seth?”
“I’m as much of a dress expert as Eric is,” Seth says. “It’s classy while being a bit daring. It leaves something to the imagination. I like that.”
My eyebrows launch skyward. Ooh, he’s going to regret that last part is the thought that pops in my mind.
“And just what are you imagining, Seth?” Laurel scowls.
There it is. Seth stepped in a bear trap. Based upon the pale tone his face is taking, it’s clear that Seth just realized in trying to express his appreciation of Meredith’s dress he could have chosen his words more wisely. A mistake all husbands make. Sometimes the words come out before we realize how they will land with our spouse. This is one of those times.
“Whoa, hey!” Seth says, putting his palms to his wife in a defensive position. “I was just trying to say why the dress was classy. I only have an imagination for you, babe.”
Laurel is stone-faced and the rest of us stay silent. Seconds pass. Laurel starts laughing.
“Oh, Seth, I’m just messing with you,” she teases. “Your description of Meredith’s dress is spot on.” Laurel rubs Seth’s left shoulder. “I couldn’t help giving you a little crap.”
Seth’s hands come to rest on the table and the color begins returning to his face. “Don’t do that!” He protests.
The rest of us burst out laughing at Laurel’s pranking of her husband. The rest of us being Lorelei, Julie, Nicole, and Ashley.
“Good one!” Lori high-fives Laurel.
“I’ve missed this,” Julie adds. “The teasing, the laughter. The foolishness.”
Julie’s assessment is followed by a collective head nod.
Suddenly, my cell phone vibrates. My brow furrows. The incoming number on my phone is not familiar to me and I have no idea who would be calling me on a Saturday night. My curiosity gets the better of my good sense so I take the call. The person on the other end speaks English with a heavy German accent.
“Good evening, mein Herr,” the man says, mixing his native language and his second one. “Pardon me for interrupting your evening but I have an urgent matter to discuss. My name is Helmut Werner, one of the owners of Helmut Werner Management and we represent some well-known musical acts from around the world.”
As the Mr. Werner continues, I grab a pen and a napkin and jot down the man’s name and company on it then slide it to Julie. The bottom of my note reads, “Google this.” Julie does. Within moments, Julie looks up from her phone. She nods and whispers, “Appears legitimate.”
“My apologies. My English is, how do you Americans say it…a bit choppy?”
“Keine Entschuldigung notig. Du machst das gut. Nun, wie kann ich Ihnen helfen?” I ask him.
Seth nearly spits out his sip of beer at my seamless transition to German. He turns to my family and asks, “How is Eric able to speak fluent German?”
Ashley fills in the blanks. “Dad is third generation German. When Gram was alive it wasn’t unusual for Dad and Gram to converse in German. “Gram taught us too so I can translate.”
Werner continues our conversation in his native language. My brain instantly translates to Enlish.
“Your Onions At A Crime Scene is known here in Europe and your group has a following here in Germany. Your sentimentality to your generation and the 1980s is not unfamiliar to us. This is why I am calling you this evening. We have need of your unique perspective and sound. As you may know, the 30th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall is coming up soon. You may also know that David Hasselhoff sang atop the Berlin Wall in 1989. Mr. Hasselhoff is about to embark on an October concert tour of Germany that will culminate in Mr. Hasselhoff’s return to the site where the Berlin Wall used to stand, where he will perform a 30th anniversary concert. Mr. Hasselhoff’s usual opening act is unavailable due to a scheduling conflict on New Year’s Eve when the concert will take place. We immediately thought your band would be a fitting warm up act for this celebration.”
“Verheizung?” comes out of me in an astonished, disbelieving tone that causes Ashley and Nicole to sit up straight. This is not a tone they’ve heard from their me. “Sie mochten, dass wir zum 30. Jahrestag des Mauerfalls in Deutschland spielen und fur David Hasselhoff eroffnen?”
The girls’ jaws drop as they gasp in unison.
“I heard David Hasselhoff,” Lorelei says. “What the heck was the rest of it?” There is mini-pandemonium as our table mates clamor for a translation and an explanation.
I shake my head at the girls, scowling at them. They instantly understand that I will be the one sharing with the others, not them. “Your band may want to play a few shows in our beautiful country leading up to the event,” Werner continues, “so to make it worth your time and to thank your German fans with your own concerts.”
“I need to confer with my family and friends,” I tell Werner, speaking English once more. “On behalf of Onions At A Crime Scene, we thank you for this historic opportunity. We will discuss it and I will be in touch with our decision.”
“Ah. Very good,” Mr. Werner responds. “I need an answer within 48 hours as there is much to do to prepare, ja?”
“Understood. We will speak again very soon,” I reply.
The call ends and I place my phone face down on the table cloth. Thoughts race, mind reels. You know, the usual. As my mind tries to grasp what just happened while my friends and family await details. It’s just so…
”OW!” I exclaim. A sharp pain in my forearm brings me out of my spinning thoughts. I turn and look at the source of the sharp pain - my lovely wife Julie who just pinched me.
“You had that look of diving deep into a mental rabbit hole so I brought you out. You’re welcome,” Julie smirks. “Now, who was that exactly and what was the call about?”
A long, slow, deep breath makes its way in and out of my lungs as I collect my thoughts.
“Just spit it out!” Laurel demands. “The suspense is killing us!”
“David Hasselhoff is going to play a concert in Berlin to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. That was a representative from Hasselhoff’s European management company. They want Onions At A Crime Scene to be the warm up act for the New Year’s Eve Show. Mr. Werner thinks it would be a good idea if the Onions went on a mini-tour of shows in Germany before the New Year’s Eve show…
“What the serious fu—”
“Nicole!” Julie admonishes our oldest daughter. “Not okay.”
“Sorry, Mom, but I thought this kind of ridiculousness was done when the reunion tour ended last year.”
“She has a point,” Ashley adds.
“She is simply stunning.”
We all turn and look at the couple on the dance floor. Todd and Meredith are sharing the first dance as man and wife, 365 days since they reconnected at the Onions’ second concert in St. Louis last year. Tonight is a different kind of Onions reunion as we are gathered together to celebrate the union of two of our favorite people.
The air is filled with joy and anticipation. Joy that these long-lost loves are now husband and wife and anticipation as to the adventure they are about to embark upon as one. There isn’t a person in the Cloud Ballroom at the Hilton Des Moines Downtown who isn’t smiling as they watch the couple glide across the dance floor. But the bride and groom have the biggest smiles of them all. I am at a loss to recall a better fairytale romance I've personally witnessed. Their first dance concludes and a thunderous round of applause erupts.
While the applause continues, Laurel, Lorelei, and I rise from our chairs at the table Todd and Meredith seated us and our families. Todd pulls one of our vacated chairs onto the dance floor and invites Meredith to sit down. She does so but, by the perplexed look on her face, wonders what this little wrinkle is that was not part of their plans. Todd joins us on the slightly raised stage for a very special performance. The four of us are poised to perform in public for the first time since ending our reunion tour in Chicago last October. Something Resembling Responsible - the band Todd and Meredith hired to play at the reception - is kind enough to let their former touring partners use their instruments for a very special song.
“Meredith, it has been one year ago tomorrow that we reconnected in St. Louis. That night we were on stage and I sang a song to you about my greatest heartbreak. Tonight I’m going to sing a song to you about my greatest love story.”
Meredith’s face goes from confused to delighted shock in less than a heartbeat. Todd had written an original song for Meredith for this moment and had contacted us about playing the song at their wedding reception. We jumped at the chance to complete the circuit on their love story. The four of us had scheduled some secret practices at Seth and Laurel’s the past few months. Todd had managed to keep our clandestine collaborating off Meredith’s radar screen.
“One, two, one, two, three, four!” I exclaim and then we’re off and rocking and rolling.
Todd is singing lead on this as the rest of us sing backup. The spotlight is on Todd and Meredith as he never takes his eyes off of his bride. Happy tears fill her eyes. Todd has never been known as a romantic but, damn, this may be the one thing people remember about this entire day. While the song is a ballad, it is a joyful expression of a transformed Todd, who is no longer afraid of taking a leap of faith when his heart is at risk. It is the best kind of love song. Faces of the guests are obscured by the darkness but if there is a dry eye among them, their hearts turned to stone long ago. Meredith is glowing as her groom croons.
The last few notes excuse themselves from the room, the room’s lights come up slightly, and the assembled guests spring to their feet showering the couple with a standing ovation. Meredith rises from her chair and walks to her groom. She puts her arms around Todd’s neck and whispers in his ear. What she says is known to only her and Todd. But whatever she says makes Todd turn a deep shade of red.
Laurel, Lorelei, and I step away from the instruments so Something Resembling Responsible can resume supplying the music for the dance. We return to our seats and rejoin our family members. I sneak past the couple to retrieve the chair and return it to our table. Something Resembling Responsible allows the couple to bask in the applause. Todd pivots, bringing Meredith and his profile parallel to the band. He nods to the lead singer who announces the parents dance. Both sets of parents stride to the dance floor and the three couples have the next dance.
“God, she is gorgeous,” Laurel admires.
“Isn’t she just, though, Laurel?” Lorelei affirms. “Meredith is totally rockin’ that wedding dress.” Lori’s eyes go wide to accentuate her point.
“I love the dress,” I offer. “Kinda makes her resemble a mermaid.” It was supposed to be a compliment but turns into more of an indictment of my lack of fashion knowledge.
“Oh, Eric,” Julie begins her explanation to me, “that is an Illusion Halter Neckline wedding dress that has a fit and flare skirt. It’s why you think Meredith resembles a mermaid.” Julie takes a sip of her Cabernet.
“Meredith has amazing taste,” Laurel admires. “The crepe gown with the deep V-neck with the embroidered tulle…gorgeous.” She pauses to get confirmation from her husband. “Right, Seth?”
“I’m as much of a dress expert as Eric is,” Seth says. “It’s classy while being a bit daring. It leaves something to the imagination. I like that.”
My eyebrows launch skyward. Ooh, he’s going to regret that last part is the thought that pops in my mind.
“And just what are you imagining, Seth?” Laurel scowls.
There it is. Seth stepped in a bear trap. Based upon the pale tone his face is taking, it’s clear that Seth just realized in trying to express his appreciation of Meredith’s dress he could have chosen his words more wisely. A mistake all husbands make. Sometimes the words come out before we realize how they will land with our spouse. This is one of those times.
“Whoa, hey!” Seth says, putting his palms to his wife in a defensive position. “I was just trying to say why the dress was classy. I only have an imagination for you, babe.”
Laurel is stone-faced and the rest of us stay silent. Seconds pass. Laurel starts laughing.
“Oh, Seth, I’m just messing with you,” she teases. “Your description of Meredith’s dress is spot on.” Laurel rubs Seth’s left shoulder. “I couldn’t help giving you a little crap.”
Seth’s hands come to rest on the table and the color begins returning to his face. “Don’t do that!” He protests.
The rest of us burst out laughing at Laurel’s pranking of her husband. The rest of us being Lorelei, Julie, Nicole, and Ashley.
“Good one!” Lori high-fives Laurel.
“I’ve missed this,” Julie adds. “The teasing, the laughter. The foolishness.”
Julie’s assessment is followed by a collective head nod.
Suddenly, my cell phone vibrates. My brow furrows. The incoming number on my phone is not familiar to me and I have no idea who would be calling me on a Saturday night. My curiosity gets the better of my good sense so I take the call. The person on the other end speaks English with a heavy German accent.
“Good evening, mein Herr,” the man says, mixing his native language and his second one. “Pardon me for interrupting your evening but I have an urgent matter to discuss. My name is Helmut Werner, one of the owners of Helmut Werner Management and we represent some well-known musical acts from around the world.”
As the Mr. Werner continues, I grab a pen and a napkin and jot down the man’s name and company on it then slide it to Julie. The bottom of my note reads, “Google this.” Julie does. Within moments, Julie looks up from her phone. She nods and whispers, “Appears legitimate.”
“My apologies. My English is, how do you Americans say it…a bit choppy?”
“Keine Entschuldigung notig. Du machst das gut. Nun, wie kann ich Ihnen helfen?” I ask him.
Seth nearly spits out his sip of beer at my seamless transition to German. He turns to my family and asks, “How is Eric able to speak fluent German?”
Ashley fills in the blanks. “Dad is third generation German. When Gram was alive it wasn’t unusual for Dad and Gram to converse in German. “Gram taught us too so I can translate.”
Werner continues our conversation in his native language. My brain instantly translates to Enlish.
“Your Onions At A Crime Scene is known here in Europe and your group has a following here in Germany. Your sentimentality to your generation and the 1980s is not unfamiliar to us. This is why I am calling you this evening. We have need of your unique perspective and sound. As you may know, the 30th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall is coming up soon. You may also know that David Hasselhoff sang atop the Berlin Wall in 1989. Mr. Hasselhoff is about to embark on an October concert tour of Germany that will culminate in Mr. Hasselhoff’s return to the site where the Berlin Wall used to stand, where he will perform a 30th anniversary concert. Mr. Hasselhoff’s usual opening act is unavailable due to a scheduling conflict on New Year’s Eve when the concert will take place. We immediately thought your band would be a fitting warm up act for this celebration.”
“Verheizung?” comes out of me in an astonished, disbelieving tone that causes Ashley and Nicole to sit up straight. This is not a tone they’ve heard from their me. “Sie mochten, dass wir zum 30. Jahrestag des Mauerfalls in Deutschland spielen und fur David Hasselhoff eroffnen?”
The girls’ jaws drop as they gasp in unison.
“I heard David Hasselhoff,” Lorelei says. “What the heck was the rest of it?” There is mini-pandemonium as our table mates clamor for a translation and an explanation.
I shake my head at the girls, scowling at them. They instantly understand that I will be the one sharing with the others, not them. “Your band may want to play a few shows in our beautiful country leading up to the event,” Werner continues, “so to make it worth your time and to thank your German fans with your own concerts.”
“I need to confer with my family and friends,” I tell Werner, speaking English once more. “On behalf of Onions At A Crime Scene, we thank you for this historic opportunity. We will discuss it and I will be in touch with our decision.”
“Ah. Very good,” Mr. Werner responds. “I need an answer within 48 hours as there is much to do to prepare, ja?”
“Understood. We will speak again very soon,” I reply.
The call ends and I place my phone face down on the table cloth. Thoughts race, mind reels. You know, the usual. As my mind tries to grasp what just happened while my friends and family await details. It’s just so…
”OW!” I exclaim. A sharp pain in my forearm brings me out of my spinning thoughts. I turn and look at the source of the sharp pain - my lovely wife Julie who just pinched me.
“You had that look of diving deep into a mental rabbit hole so I brought you out. You’re welcome,” Julie smirks. “Now, who was that exactly and what was the call about?”
A long, slow, deep breath makes its way in and out of my lungs as I collect my thoughts.
“Just spit it out!” Laurel demands. “The suspense is killing us!”
“David Hasselhoff is going to play a concert in Berlin to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. That was a representative from Hasselhoff’s European management company. They want Onions At A Crime Scene to be the warm up act for the New Year’s Eve Show. Mr. Werner thinks it would be a good idea if the Onions went on a mini-tour of shows in Germany before the New Year’s Eve show…
“What the serious fu—”
“Nicole!” Julie admonishes our oldest daughter. “Not okay.”
“Sorry, Mom, but I thought this kind of ridiculousness was done when the reunion tour ended last year.”
“She has a point,” Ashley adds.
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